based on the song by John Mayer
It had been three days since I had slept. The memory of her face was barely visible when I shut my eyes. Her porcelain skin was fading into her perfect copper colored hair that flowed around her round face. The too blue eyes were losing their spark. A crack formed in my heart, and I knew I had to do something.
I muddled toward the kitchen and took the bag the drug dealer had handed me and took it to the bedroom. All attempts had failed, everything I did to try and get back to her had left me a borderline psychotic, severely tired lunatic, and these chemicals were going to be my way in, a way back to the world, and the girl, that I really loved.
The baggie contained ten little white pills, and I sat for a moment contemplating the dosage. Too much and I would die, too little and I wouldn’t fall asleep. I figured seven would make sure I passed out, and if they killed me it would be a slow death. Enough time to tell her I love her and hold her one last time. I threw them down my throat and swallowed hard. The scraping on the back of my mouth produced a very unpleasant medicine taste, so I swallowed a few more times.
I dropped back onto the bed and closed my eyes, waiting for the pills to take me over. My breathing became erratic and it was hard to take a deep breath. The back of my eyelids changed from black and white to lights and colors dancing in the darkness. I squinted a few times, and then there we were.
It was like waking up from a dream instead of falling into one. It was more real than any other time I had traveled here. She and I were sitting at a table outside some bakery in France. The smell of bread filled my nostrils and I could feel the metal table beneath my hands. I looked over at Gwen.
She was looking down at the table. I pushed my eyebrows together and reached over to take her hand. The moment I touched her, she pulled back and looked up at me. Her ocean eyes were flooded with tears, the black mascara running down her rosy cheeks.
“Gwen, it’s me.” I tried to say, but nothing came out. My mouth would not move.
“GWEN!” I screamed.
She suddenly got up and ran away from me. I demanded my body to move, to chase after her, to hold her, to make her kiss me, but my legs stayed planted to the ground, my legs stuck to the metal chair. I was shocked at myself, disgusted. I wanted out, I needed out now.
I began to choke on something. Something was in my throat, in my lungs. It was burning me from the inside out. I coughed and coughed, but nothing happened.
Then it all went black.