Top 5 things NOT to say to Infertiles


5: “DID YOU HEAR THAT MARY-SUE IS HAVING HER SECOND/THIRD/FOURTH ALREADY?” Some Infertiles may be different, but for the most part, we don’t want the latest baby news. Ever. No, not even to hear that Bill and Jane got pregnant by accident. Actually, especially if the couple wasn’t even trying do we want to hear about it. No, I don’t want to see the pictures or hear about how far along they are. It’s hard enough for us to be happy for close friends/family, we don’t want to hear about how your friend/co-worker/acquaintance has what we’ve wanted for a long time.

4: “SALLY DID IVF AND GOT PREGNANT THE FIRST TIME” This might be comforting for some of us, but really, everyone is different. We can’t predict what will work for us, and actually neither can the doctors. If we ask for your friend’s stories, that’s different, but for the most part, be supportive to what we’re going through and what we feel comfortable with. And just because you’re friend is at that point in their journey, doesn’t mean that we are. Maybe we CAN’T do IVF, or maybe we don’t want to even consider that yet. There are more steps between simply TTC and IVF than most people know. If we want you to know about our journey, we’ll tell you.

3: “IF IT’S MEANT TO BE, IT WILL BE” Do you even know what it takes for 1/3 of people to get that sperm and egg to meet? Useless phrases like this are not going to make us pregnant any more than standing on my head after sex will. And, that phrase really doesn’t mean anything when you think about it. It actually leads me to…

2: “IT WILL HAPPEN WHEN IT HAPPENS” Really? This is almost as bad as the last one. It’s like telling someone that when they breathe, they’re breathing. Hey, when you don’t eat, you’ll be hungry. Wow, what would I do without you? 

1: “JUST RELAX!” Ugh. Raise your hand if you’ve been trying for more than 3 months without hearing that. Not only is it the most useless thing to say, it’s damn near impossible to relax, while simulatneously counting days, taking tests, and tracking BDs. Just don’t.


We know you mean well, but put yourself in our shoes before you speak. If you can’t put yourself here, then just be supportive. We don’t need advice, we get enough from our message boards. If you want to help, protect us from the hundreds of pregnant people and babies we see every day. Buy us a margarita (as long as it’s between days 1-10 :0D), and remind us of all the things we won’t be able to do with a child.

And pray for us. God is doing something amazing in us emotionally and spiritually, and we need Him more than ever right now.

About lindsayjuarez

This is a little space i've created to post various writing exercises and ideas. View all posts by lindsayjuarez

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